Desiring Justice

Have you ever been wronged? Have you ever felt like all of the good things you did were exactly what caused you to be wronged in the end? Have you ever felt that you were cheated? Gosh, I feel so ridiculous right now! I'm laying on my bed trying to figure out why...I know that I did some things wrong, I know that. But they weren't so wrong that I deserve what I am going through.  I don't deserve the cruelty that I got. I don't deserved someone telling me that if I was in our out of his life he could care less...I never deserved for the one man that I loved to tell me that he never cared about me...I never deserved for the man in which I had placed all my dreams into to tell me that he didn't cherish me...I never deserved for the man that loved and served to tell me the only thing he ever liked about our relationship was that I did everything for him... I never deserved for the man that I loved to continue to have sex with me, yet tell me to not kiss him because he didn't want me...I didn't deserve to be left hanging out in San Diego, all by myself with no family, no job, no marriage and what felt like no future.

Sometimes, and that time is definitely right now, I want to shout it out to the world how I've been wronged. I want to shout out to the world what an asshole my ex was. I want to tell all the women in the world to stay away from this emotionally-unavailable cruel individual! I want to tell everyone how stupid I am for loving this man. God I'm so dumb.

I'll never say his name though, never. I'll never email him, write him, call him-anything to give "a piece of my mind," NEVER.

Sometimes I wish justice were what we wished: I specifically have wished for a giant wart to grow at the end of his nose and that everyone knew this wart meant: this guy is a jerk! Or I wished that for the times he made me feel so little, so insignificant, so worthless, so meaningless, so un-cherished , he would lose an inch of height (When I first married him, to me this man was a giant. So upright, so good, so kind...and now he is the midget that I wish he would become). I know these are so stupid. But I'm laying here in bed, hurting, crying desiring justice...

Is wanting justice evil of me? Is it wrong of me? Am I bitter? Am I not forgiving?

Well for all of us who like to end "critiques" with positives...
At least he serves our country...