Eating

If ever your travels take you to lovely Tucson, AZ, I recommend you visit: The Sausage Deli.


First, this place is too legit...too legit to quit. Second, their sammies are so amazingly mouthwatering, finger-lickin' good, you can never just eat a small sandwich, you have to have the big 8 incher. 

My top choice: The Omar.

This big boy comes with Salami, Turkey & Swiss on an Onion Roll with Bell Pepper, Onion, chopped Pepperoncini Peppers, Mustard & Italian Dressing....it's so dang good!

Look at that big boy! Come to mama!


The Sausage Deli also has a nice vegetarian selection, which looks equally delicioso:

And lastly, check it out the stud muffins that show up to enjoy the great comida...mmhmm, we pretend to take pictures of each other, but are really taking pics of cuties like this guy:

What favorite "creeper" move do you employ to check out cuties?

Hiking

I spent some alone time yesterday in the Santa Rita Mountains. It was gorgeous and oh so relaxing. I had some time to "talk" with God and also some time to reflect and just think in the quietness...

Driving up to Madera Canyon...

Hiking gear is a must! 100 oz Camelback and Chacos.

The beginning of my hike...

You can't really tell but its a long fall...

The woods were getting pretty dense. I kept "hearing" things and "seeing" bears. I'm such a chicken!

I had originally started my hike with the old Chaco's (which btw are the BEST hiking sandal in the world) but the hike was a little more rocky than I imagined.

Snack time!!

Tucson has this great gem and mineral show every year; I went this year and found this gorgeous mother-of-pearl butterfly ring. I've never really been into butterflies because of Mariah Carrey and her butterfly obsession, but this ring is just too gorgeous to pass up. 

 I tried getting shots of myself with the background, but man was I having some troubles.

Catalina Mountains

Where do you go to be alone? To just be quiet and think?

Confessing

So, I'm getting a divorce right? So that means I'm technically single, right? I know, I know, I'm not technically single, If anything I'm still technically married (slight grimace in my face). I'm asking these questions because I guess that regardless of my relational status, this chicka wants to have sex. Yep. I said it. I want to have sex. Sorry, for those of you who are squeamish about the topic, but this is reality. What do all the other "divorcees" do in this situation?! *sigh*


I'm at a loss. So before I got married it was, "you can't have sex before you're married!" When I got married, well...you know. And now that I am still married, but going through a divorce, I'm back to square one. Not even square one, because if I did choose to have sex then I would not only be fornicating I would be committing adultery!!! AHHHHHHH!!!! 


Our culture today would say, "do what you want," or "do what feels good." But really, will me doing what I want really bring "pleasure?" I have a feeling that it wont. It's weird, it's like the whole topic of sex is a double-sided coin. Let me explain:


If I have sex, yes it will feel good, it will be fun, it will be exciting...but it wont be with my husband. It wont be with the man that I made a vow to. It wont be with the man that I promised to be faithful to. It wont be the man that I promised to honor. 


If I don't have sex, yes it will suck (for a while), I'll have to figure other ways to have fun (working out or something), it won't be exciting (go hike up a cliff or go skydiving, Reyna)...but it will honor my vow. It will honor my promise. It will honor my ex (even if he doesn't want me) and most importantly, it will honor God.


Last week, I met this guy...random joe. He was cute, athletic, curly brown hair...ahh so cute. I randomly met him at a local 3 mile track, I was doing my "thang" and he started talking to me, "wha?! A cute, athletic, tall, dark and handsome manly man is noticing me?!" I don't know why I gave him my number (yes, I do, read the sentence above) but I did. So he starts texting me, blah blah blah...but then it goes "there" and by goes "there" I mean, "let's have sex." OMGosh sista needed to take a cold shower!!! (that did not work). So let your imaginations take you where they will, but I sinned. I entertained the idea...I made plans with him for Friday night. And then, AND THEN!!!! I lied to everyone as to what I would be doing Friday night. Plus, I didn't tell anyone about this gorgeous perv... Gosh, I am pathetic. BTW, when you hide something or lie about it, you KNOW you're up to no good. FACT.


Anyway, fast forward to last night, I had set up my web of lies (muahahahahaha), picked out a cute outfit, shaved my legs, etc., styled my hair...but I felt WRETCHED. I felt so horrible. I kept thinking about how I would feel "afterword." I kept thinking about having to hide this Friday night rendezvous from everyone for the rest of my life. I kept thinking about how I was about to dishonor my ex and my vow, and last but certainly not least, God. 


So, to answer your question as to what I did: I ignored his texts and went to bed. *frustrated sigh*


Believe me, I had an original intention of signing, "Why Can't We be Friends," by WAR to this cutie, but, c'mon who am I kidding? I would be singing that song straight to his bed...but I can't do it. I can't. I need to walk above this situation. I need to honor God. I need to! But, I feel super weak. 


So, I need to come up with an action plan:


These are some facts about my situation:


1. I want to have sex.
2. I'm still married.
3. If I have sex I am committing adultery.
4. I want to honor my vow and my God, but I feel weak.
5. I'm still mourning my loss.
6. I'm still hurting.
7. I want to numb the pain. (and if I'm sleeping around with someone else I'm only using him     to give me a temporary numbness). 


Action plan:


1. I don't know how to deal with number one...just don't do it (?) Get an accountability partner.
2. June 8th!!!!!
3. Don't have sex (???)
4. Choose to honor my vow and God...every minute that I am tempted, remember the vow.
5. Mourn the loss, but dust off and move forward.
6. Hurt for a moment, but forgive and move forward.
7. Don't use a person to numb your pain, you jerk-face!!! Walk through the pain and seek God to mend your wounds and heal you completely. Oh, and create boundaries with guy friends that you find yourself "going there" with. 


I'm not perfect and so I'm choosing to share this with you guys because, as I've mentioned before, Christians love to hide their "junk" as if they were perfect. But I feel that in hiding our struggles and faults we aren't helping others or ourselves. So, with that I welcome your ideas and your accountability. Please pray for me friends-that I may be strong and not overcome by my desires.


These are two scriptures that I read this morn:


God said, "My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you." So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ's power can live in me. For this reason I am happy when I have weaknesses, insults, hard times, sufferings, and all kinds of troubles for Christ. Because when I am weak, then I am truly strong. (2 Cor 12:9-10)


"To comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor" (Isaiah 61:2-3).