Grieving

Grieving:"deep sorrow that is caused by someone's death." Yikes! The meaning seems so...finite, so unreal, and I can't believe that I feel that way over my ex. And this evening, it hit me, I feel that way about "his family" too. I talked to one of his family members today and it seriously felt like I was pouring salt over a wound. Or better yet, ripping off a scab, pouring salt over the wound and then I don't know, make up some other wretched action that you could think of that would make a wound hurt even more...yep, I am grieving the loss of some beautiful people, and a man that I will always hold a special place in my heart for...always.

When you get divorced, not only are you losing someone who you love, but you also lose "their" side of the family too. For some marrieds, they hate or dislike the in-laws or the "other side" of the family, but I didn't. These people were to me as if I had loved them my whole life. If you don't know me, this is one truth about me...I love! And I love with all my heart and abilities and there is no holding back. I will fight to the death for those whom I have cherished in my inner being. And that is the case with my ex and his family. But they're gone. No, not physically, but emotionally. The cords and the nets that I had cast over them have been torn from my heart. These people, ex included, were a prize to me, something to be treasured, and I now grieve for them-because they are gone.

Yes, I have my own family-and they are more precious to me than, geeze, everything (2nd to God). But when their is no distinction, no categorization (i.e. my family, your family) of love, it boils down to me losing "my family."

And through all this, here is one truth in which I must grow roots:

I am accepted in the Beloved (God's family). And although I have "lost" some precious people, God and His children are my family, and I will cast my nets and tie my cords around those who are in my life. I will love them deeply and unconditionally-without restraint. And if I lose again, I lose again, but have the satisfaction that I have loved.

My ex and his family, whom I have cherished, were in my life for a season. That season is now over, but I will forever cherish and thank God for the time that I was honored to be a part of "their" family.

"I cry to you, Lord, for help. You are my refuge. You are all I have in the land of the living. Hear my cry because I’ve been brought down so low!" (Psalm 142:5-6).