Let me put this out there as a preface: This is not a "man-bashing" blog. Nor is it a blog for me to talk crap about my ex and what "he did to me" (or didn't do). Yes, I may post about the things he said or did that hurt me, and I may give "my point of view" (remember there are always two sides to a story) but please keep this in mind: Forgiveness is a verb...it is me daily, no, hourly, shoot, minute-by-minute, second-by-second letting go of the past offense, restoring him to "right-standing" in my heart and mind and loving him (the God kinda way). Believe a sista when I say, I am NOT forgetting what has been done! But know that I have chosen to forgive him-for my sake, and most importantly in obedience to Christ.
I’m not going to lie, sometimes I teeter-totter between forgiveness and annoyance; some nights, I’ll lay in my bed and tell God,
“You know that I used to sleep in this bed with my ex-husband, right?! I hope you get me a new bed soon…”
But then I have myself a nice little pathetic cry…
At other times, I feel good, I don’t think about him all day, I walk with a lil’ swagger in my step…
But then I go home and put on my wedding ring…and cry.
Some day’s I will pray for blessings to be poured over him, protection, peace, joy, love, happiness, satisfaction, contentment, wealth, the world!
But then there are other days and the thought of what he did angers me and I ask God to vindicate me…
And then I cry…some more.
I’ve come up with a list of reasons why I should forgive:
1. God tells me to do so (if we don’t forgive He cant forgive us).
2. If I don’t I’ll be held prisoner to this man who could care less about me.
3. I want to stop hurting and somehow going through the pain and through the process will make me stronger…somehow???
4. I want to move on with my life.
5. I don’t want to be bitter.
6. I want to love again…with all my heart.
I’ve come up with a list of reasons why I shouldn’t forgive:
…
So here’s the theme:
Forgiveness is first and foremost about being obedient to God, but then about choosing to not let the offensive action (words, etc.) have a hold you. Not forgiving literally traps you in that moment in time, with that person in time, and keeps you there until you’ve let bitterness take root in your heart and hatred blossoms. Who would want all that junk growing in their heart?! Not me! And really, what does all the bitterness and hatred do for you? Does it change the situation? No! Does it change the other person’s heart? No! It does ABSOLUTELY nothing but make you sick!
So with that I say-forgive homies. Forgive.
I think that unforgiveness and anger go hand in hand. I saw this quote (apparently from Buddha) that stated, "Holding on to anger is like grasping on to a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: you are the one who gets burned."
ReplyDeleteI understand that forgiveness is something that needs to be actively pursued daily (when we are needing to forgive). Writing is a good way to get it all out on the table. Sometimes, I just end up writing down my prayers.