Knowing

I've been feeling unknown.

There's a difference between knowing a person and knowing a person. For example, I know who Tim Tebow is and all his wonderful stats (wink wink), but I don't know him like I know one of my best friends. I know that when my best friend taps on her nose, she's thinking. Or when, she's really sleepy but still wants to hang out, she gets quiet but insists on still being around. I know when she's flustered. I know when she is trying to hold back tears. I know her favorite things. I know her favorite ice cream. I know her favorite color. I know her walk. I know her sleeping patterns. Ok, ok I'm starting to sound like a psycho stalker, but I'm trying to make a point: I love her and I love her because I know her.

It still saddens me to this day when I think about the men in my past and how uninterested they were in knowing me. Haha, I know that sounds like I'm tootin' my own horn as if I were so amazing or something...what I mean is, their lack of interest in knowing me should have been my clue that I was just another woman in their little black book. I was another person that meant absolutely nothing to them. I was another person who was optional to them and if I was in or out of their life it was nothing to them. They used me.

I want to make this clear: I don't want to sound like EVERYONE you meet should be the spark of deep and endless romantic (or not) relationship. No no no no no! I can tell you that I am quite picky with friends and if after my first "encounter" with you is well, "eh." I'm gonna drop you like yous hot! And, as far as relationships go, I can't be a picky because let's just be honest, it's not like I have a line of suitors waiting their turn in a long line...in fact there is no line! HAHA! Lame.

I dunno, it just sucks when you expect someone to care, and they don't. It sucks when they tell you that they do care, but their actions are the COMPLETE opposite. I mean, why lie? Why give someone the idea that you care for them only for your actions to prove otherwise? When my ex and I were filing out our divorce documents he said, "you know what's sad, I don't even know your middle name..."

I hope I've learned my lesson: people who don't want to know you, Reyna, don't care. Period.